R.I.P. S.E.G.

Stephen E. Graham 1969-2010

Stephen has been a friend of mine for 26 years now.  We met in band where we had both found refuge from the stress of P.E. class (marching band got you out of PE in those days).  I tell people now-a-days that I was the next to worst trumpet player and Steve, well - let's say he kept me company down there at the end of the line.

I found in him a kindred spirit.  We were quite different but we shared those common teenage feelings of not quite belonging coupled with a great desire for change.  He single-handed created the Math Team, and in his last two years of high school, he taught me all the tricks of being a "Mathelite". 

Looking back, I don't think I ever quite put it together that I dropped out of band my senior year in part because he had left and gone to college.  Who was going to make snarky remarks with me and mock everyone else, if not Steve?  Who else would look at me as we both dropped out and simply pretended to play during the difficult passages? 

I have been lucky enough to continue crossing paths with Steve through the years: in Huntsville, in New York, in Georgia, and, for the last 8 years, in Boston.  Along the way he has taught me what it means to be a good friend.  Being a good friend takes work; it takes effort to maintain a connection through the years, over distance, through life's changes and challenges.  How he understood this so long ago I will never know, but I do know that I am thankful he did. 

Stephen, always one step ahead of me, now has gone on and taken the final step and shown me something remarkable once again.  His legacy is all around us: his friends, his family  - all those he touched with his kindness, his wit, his understanding... he leaves us all the richer and the wiser.

I take comfort in knowing that these final months have been his happiest, his most peaceful, and that he knew he was surrounded by friends and family near and far who loved him and counted themselves lucky to be loved by him.

Rest in peace, Stephen Emerson Graham, and thank you for being such a good friend.

A mug Steve gave me for my 40th birthday. 
The faint writing you see on the left is a copy of a funny note (long forgotten by me)
I gave him for his 17th birthday
"Rules for how to stay cool"