I am a straight white male raised in Alabama in the 70’s and 80’s. Needless to say, I heard (even participated) in racists and sexists jokes. My friends and family were all progressive and there was no question that all races were equal, that men and women were equal, and that homosexual and heterosexual were equal as well. (there was no awareness of the concept of being trans at that time in my world). However, having this intellectual conceit gave us all a free pass in a way. “Well, I did laugh at that racist/misogynistic/homophobic joke – but, I’m a progressive voter and don’t personally discriminate. Besides, the joke was funny, right?”
I knew there was something wrong with the systemic racism and misogyny but it was simply in the air we all breathed. The homophobia wasn’t as clearly wrong in my mind until a friend joined some version of the gay-straight alliance in college and started to school me. Then, one of my best friends came out as gay to me when I was a junior at Purdue (1991). Around me, very slowly, society was also changing and it became less acceptable to make discriminatory or objectifying remarks and jokes. These changes were invisible to me, but in retrospect I can actually recall the last racist joke told by a friend that went unremarked on by me (1993 Pittsburgh). From that time, I also recall the last time I made a sexist observation without any self-awareness. (I had assumed the one girl in our physics graduate class was in the wrong room or had a different role from my own on orientation day).
Fast forward to marrying Irene (an ABC, “American Born Chinese”) and us having two beautiful “halfie” kids. My good politics and bubble of white privilege making my ride through life painless. Meanwhile, Irene tells me what it means to be a “Model Minority.” She also gives me a great litmus test for racism in general since Americans have been sensitized to racism against black people: simply repeat the phrase/joke/idea with the minority group replaced with the word “black people” and see how it sounds to your ear…
Meanwhile, I experience workshops about anti-racist teaching which I can easily dismiss as being overly-accusatory, or irrelevant to the teaching of physics, or “for-others-who-don’t-get-it-like-I-do”. A whole lot of noise about some issues that society is slowly taking care of anyway (n.b. that Barack Obama fella!). One workshop activity hits me hard though: Choose four words that define the core of your current identity and write them on the corners of a piece of paper. Now fold them down and tear one off at random. See what’s missing and try to imagine going a day without acknowledging that aspect of yourself. My torn-off corner said “Father” and I was distraught at the thought of suppressing that part of me. Oh, they went and got some empathy out of this self-confident, mediocre white guy (one of Irene’s favorite expressions: “Oh, to have the confidence of a mediocre white man”) with that trick!
Then Trump happened and we all became meta about race and gender issues. Irene had me read “So you want to talk about race?” and my teenage halfie daughter comes home from school and explains non-binary identities and all kinds of 21stcentury stuff to me. At school, I have a growing confidence now to address issues of race and gender with students. Even to apply my trademark humor style to try and diffuse a situation. Tell stories about being in a multicultural family and raising biracial kids.
It’s almost enough to make me buy a pack of Virginia Slims and light up in celebration:
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| I remember these ads so well! |
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