The year: 1995
The event: My buddy
Borris' birthday
Twenty-five and life was good. I had passed my qualifying exams thus
ensuring a smooth passage from being a Master's student to being an actual PhD
student. I was sharing a house with 3
other physics grad students and we had all just finished our slog through some
18 years of schooling and pretty major exams to finally arrive at the goal:
ground breaking, original research. After a few years of finding my feet in
Pittsburgh and getting a new group of friends, I felt I had finally come to a
comfortable, happy place in life. I was
in great shape, having lots of fun – crewing early in the morning, swimming in
the afternoons, dancing in the evenings.
On top of the world as they say!
Borris was a little older – turning the big 3-0 today. I was excited – this was a big birthday and I
was looking forward to having a great evening of hopping a few bars, getting
something to eat and hanging with friends. Borris and I shared an interest in the
intersection of computing, neuroscience, and physics. Walking my way to the bar
where we were to meet, I thought about just how free I had become now that
exams and coursework were over. It was
intimidating and yet liberating at the same time to pursue my own research and
to be free of pre-set curricula. What
was I going to do with the rest of my life?
So many possibilities and so many directions to go in while still sheltered
from the "real" world.
I entered the bar and my mood momentarily brightened even
further – Borris has picked a sweet spot.
Some cool music playing at just the right volume; you could have a
private conversation without yelling. Beautiful people scattered about. I
saw my buddy at the bar and headed over, motioning to the barkeep to hook me up
with one of whatever Bo was having.
Instead of finding my friend upbeat and excited, I found him
a bit sluggish and morose. He'd been at
the bar a bit longer than I had anticipated and greeted me with a mere nod. I said
"Happy Birthday, buddy!" and he just grunted "What's happy about it?".
"What's wrong?"
"Ken, a slacker at 29 is a loser at 30."
Suddenly my lightness was replaced with heaviness and my
mood went into a tailspin. I felt like a window in time opened up, showing me
myself 5 years later sitting right where he was sitting, thinking just what he
was thinking. What was I doing? Why was I still in school? What was I going to do with that hard-earned
PhD? 8 months later I had quit grad school and entered the "real"
world.
To this day, I remember that little spin my world did at that moment. Freedom turning into
confinement. Empowerment morphing into
disillusionment. Today, I think of that moment as an inflection point in my life.
Today, Borris is a successful practicing neuroscientist living in Paris and I, well, I have re-invented myself five times since that day (Winemaking in France, Architecture in New York, Engineering in Houston, Importing in Atlanta, Teaching in Massachusetts) and have no regrets.
