Slacker or Loser?

The year: 1995

The place: Shadyside, Pittsburgh

The event:  My buddy Borris' birthday

 Twenty-five and life was good.  I had passed my qualifying exams thus ensuring a smooth passage from being a Master's student to being an actual PhD student.  I was sharing a house with 3 other physics grad students and we had all just finished our slog through some 18 years of schooling and pretty major exams to finally arrive at the goal: ground breaking, original research.   After a few years of finding my feet in Pittsburgh and getting a new group of friends, I felt I had finally come to a comfortable, happy place in life.  I was in great shape, having lots of fun – crewing early in the morning, swimming in the afternoons, dancing in the evenings.  On top of the world as they say!

Borris was a little older – turning the big 3-0 today.  I was excited – this was a big birthday and I was looking forward to having a great evening of hopping a few bars, getting something to eat and hanging with friends.   Borris and I shared an interest in the intersection of computing, neuroscience, and physics. Walking my way to the bar where we were to meet, I thought about just how free I had become now that exams and coursework were over.  It was intimidating and yet liberating at the same time to pursue my own research and to be free of pre-set curricula.  What was I going to do with the rest of my life?  So many possibilities and so many directions to go in while still sheltered from the "real" world.

I entered the bar and my mood momentarily brightened even further – Borris has picked a sweet spot.  Some cool music playing at just the right volume; you could have a private conversation without yelling. Beautiful people scattered about.  I saw my buddy at the bar and headed over, motioning to the barkeep to hook me up with one of whatever Bo was having.

Instead of finding my friend upbeat and excited, I found him a bit sluggish and morose.  He'd been at the bar a bit longer than I had anticipated and greeted me with a mere nod.  I said "Happy Birthday, buddy!" and he just grunted "What's happy about it?". 

"What's wrong?"

"Ken, a slacker at 29 is a loser at 30."

Suddenly my lightness was replaced with heaviness and my mood went into a tailspin. I felt like a window in time opened up, showing me myself 5 years later sitting right where he was sitting, thinking just what he was thinking.  What was I doing?  Why was I still in school?  What was I going to do with that hard-earned PhD? 8 months later I had quit grad school and entered the "real" world.

To this day, I remember that little spin my world did at that moment.  Freedom turning into confinement.  Empowerment morphing into disillusionment.  Today, I think of that moment as an inflection point in my life.

Today, Borris is a successful practicing neuroscientist living in Paris and I, well, I have re-invented myself five times since that day (Winemaking in France, Architecture in New York, Engineering in Houston, Importing in Atlanta, Teaching in Massachusetts) and have no regrets.