Chains that Bind, Fashion, and Existentialism

Recently I was reminded of a 'trick' I used to perform as a newly minted teenager in the 80's.  I had these shirts that I had outgrown but really loved so I kept wearing them.  They were button-downs but they were fastened with snap buttons.  I discovered that I could actually unsnap a few of them just by dramatically expanding my chest.  

At the time, I don't think I was consciously thinking about the Incredible Hulk or He-Man or even Clark Kent turning into Superman; It was just a funny and fun thing to do until I couldn't even wear those shirts anymore.  In retrospect now, I am sure that was part of the appeal though.  My secret identity was finally being revealed:  under than awkward nerdy exterior, an even more awkward and even nerdier guy was busting out!

One of my all time favorite movies is La Strada. Something about the way Anthony Quinn goes from confidently breaking those chains around his chest in the beginning of the movie to the way he struggles to break them in the end; the way he glances questioningly upwards in fear and insecurity in that final scene.  To me, all of Existentialism in contained in that final scene on the beach.  

When I was a freshman at Purdue and all the guys in my dorm were getting to know each other, one guy (CB) said (about me) "He seems like the kind of guy that would just walk around naked if it was socially acceptable.  He just has that feel to him."  I took it as an insightful compliment at the time (I still do).

My whole life people have commented on my wardrobe being kind of boring or repetitive ("He always wore jeans" "Earth Tones Only?" "Umm, the 90's are calling - they want that sweater back, Ken"). I've always had an aversion to people judging me or making inferences about me based on the way I dressed so I always try to be very neutral and unremarkable in that way.

So, I'm not channeling The Hulk, I don't prefer to be naked, I don't chafe at the chains of mortality that bind me, but I am always trying to express my inner self: yearning to burst free (of those really cool snap button shirts).